* *


The porn industry has made extensive use of the myth that blue movies can be used as a stepping stone to mainstream success. Former hardcore star Traci Lords even goes as far as making a mock Oscar acceptance speech on the song Okey Dokey. It’s unlikely Lords will ever belt out a genuine address of this type. Traci’s Hollywood career has stalled and although she’s reinvented herself as a techno sex goddess, her output is strictly novelty fodder. Ultimately, Lord’s CDs are destined to litter record shop bargain bins, a fate that’s already befallen Samantha Fox. While Sam’s mid-eighties transition from cheesecake model to ‘chanteuse’ appeared remarkably successful at the time, it was very short lived.

Sixties porn star Margaret Nolan got her mainstream break when she appeared covered in nothing but gold paint in the James Bond movie Goldfinger. Since then, she’s turned up in everything from The Great St. Trinian’s Train Robbery to Carry On Girls and No Sex Please, We’re British. Nolan’s TV work includes appearances in Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads, Steptoe And Son, The Sweeny and Last Of The Summer Wine, but she has never escaped being type-cast as a busty sex-bomb. Seventies cheesecake sensation Jilly Johnson is even more typical of those glamour girls who seek mainstream acceptance. Despite the bare faced cheek of Johnson’s stab at a pop career, her band Blonde On Blonde bombed.

Former Playboy bunny Fiona Richmond was once quoted as saying: ‘What I’d really like to do is develop into Britain’s answer to Lucille Ball.’ Richmond was a hard working girl who spent the seventies chasing superstar status. However, while films such as Exposé, Hardcore and Let’s Get Laid eventually earned Fiona TV guest spots on shows such as the Comic Strip, they failed to transform her into a serious contender. On the international level, Richmond was completely eclipsed by Linda Lovelace, star of hardcore blockbuster Deep Throat. Lovelace, whose autobiography Ordeal reveals how she was coerced into performing in Deep Throat., never wanted a shot at mainstream success. She was happy to disappear into suburban obscurity.

Although former porn stars occasionally bag the lead role in a B-movie, they only qualify for bit parts in big budget productions. Mary Millington managed a cameo appearance in the Sex Pistols film The Great Rock & Roll Swindle . Horror movies are obvious vehicles for sleaze queens who’ve tired of hardcore gymnastics. Triple X-rated yank Marilyn Chambers had a shot at going legitimate in the early Chronenberg shocker Rabid. Likewise, Linzi Drew played a naked nun in Ken Russell’s The Lair Of The White Worm and a blue movie actress in An American Werewolf In London. When asked where he discovered Connie Mason, star of Blood Feast and Two Thousand Maniacs, gore director Herschell Gordon Lewis replied ‘Under a rock!’ Mason’s abortive career actually began as a June 1963 Playboy playmate. Former Penthouse centre-fold Michelle Bauer’s film credits include Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Sorority Babes At The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and Hollywood Scream Queen Hot Tub Party.

Cicciolina, who is in a league of her own, avoided the entertainment mainstream and became a household name through hard graft as a left-wing activist in the Italian parliament. As a result, few Brits seem to realise that the starlet’s reputation in the sex industry is based on hardcore shorts such as Cicciolina Och Hasten. This notorious production includes footage of Cicciolina urinating on her partner during sex, while another ‘actress’ fellates a horse. Although Lindi St. Clair has a lot of front, when she set up the Corrective Party, she was likened to a Carry On parody of Cicciolina.

Outside the fantasy world of the pornographer’s imagination, blue movies clearly aren’t a stepping stone to bigger things. However, they do sometimes provide struggling stars with money to pay the rent. Gavin Campbell would probably rather forget that he appeared alongside Mary Millington in The Playbirds before finding success as a That’s Life presenter. Likewise, Hi-de-Hi star Su Pollard is unlikely to view her role in The Great British Striptease as the highlight of an eventful life. Being a sensible girl, softcore star Koo Stark didn’t view the films Emily and Cruel Passion as a springboard to a proper movie career. Instead, Stark became a low-budget celebrity by dating Prince Andrew. Just as royal mistresses are unacceptable as replacements for a dead queen, there’s little cross-over potential between skin flick fame and big Hollywood productions. Being a porn star is the ultimate dead end job.

Light journalism & humour

Stewart Home nude & in Finland

Stewart Home tells it like it is...